The last 24 hours have been quite somber for me. Waking up yesterday morning to learn about the mass shooting that occurred in Las Vegas October 1, 2017 truly shattered me. A 60+ year old man, checked into the Mandalay Bay hotel, specifically requested a room facing towards a venue where a music festival was underway, to setup and carry out his horrific plan to take aim at a crowd of 20k + innocent country music fans 500 yards away.

As of now there are 59 dead and 527 injured. The videos from cellphones of the people at the concert are devastating. The fear, confusion, and chaos these people experienced is unimaginable for me. One minute they are enjoying country music with their friends and family, and the next minute are truly running to fight for their lives. Being in a crowd, it seemed almost impossible for many people to escape the shower of bullets coming towards them—nothing for them to do but duck down and pray they were not struck by one of the bullets.

With Las Vegas being my personal playground for many years, this hits all too close to home. In conversation with friends and co-workers, we all knew someone who was there, who experienced the worst mass shooting in modern history. Thankfully, everyone we knew who attended the concert is okay—some wounded but alive.

I could not sleep last night. I was up until 12:30am watching interviews from survivors and victims. Hearing them speak of the horror they endured is something I just can’t seem to fathom. So many were separated from friends and family and fought for their lives with complete strangers—everyone helping one another, some even stayed behind to hold a strangers hand so they wouldn’t die alone. Others stole cars to get injured people to nearby hospitals and at those hospitals, people poured in—carrying someone who had been shot or trampled on and all of which needed immediate attention. In some videos and photos, blood covered the hospital hallway floors. Social media was flooded with posts from family members looking for their loved ones. Then updates to those same posts that their loved one was found while other updates confirmed death. A true nightmare that thousands of people experienced.

It’s just so unfair! As a mother, it terrifies me as to what our future holds for my child. Yes, there have been mass shootings before, but it seems as if we are having them occur now more than ever. Are we ever going to feel safe sending our children to school, are we going to feel safe attending holiday parties, dancing in clubs, or belting out lyrics at concerts? I don’t believe these incidents should paralyze us from living out our lives but for me, fear will always be with me while in large crowds for the simple reason that anything could happen.

I pray for each and every family who lost someone, and pray for all the survivors because although alive, they now have to find a way to deal with the post traumatic stress of what they just experienced. We cannot change the evil or ugly in this world but we can be loving, humble, and kind. Change starts with me, you, and then hopefully us as a nation.

My heart hurts for Las Vegas and all who were at the Route 91 music festival and I pray that all involved receive the help they may need to slowly move on from the evil they experienced in a healthy way. 🙏🏼😔