Every girl thinks about her wedding day. For some, those thoughts begin at an early age while for others the thought may come once he pops the question. I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of the day I would wed. Never have I truly believed in fairy tales, although I knew they existed in movies I watched on the Lifetime channel. I always knew I would find a great man and fall in love but never really had the whole wedding day planned out like some women I know. Well after 8 long years of dating my best friend, he finally proposed. I can’t begin to explain how excited I was that Thanksgiving Day when David got down on one knee and asked to spend the rest of his life with me. I spent the entire day on cloud 9.

The very next day I created an account on a wedding website (TheKnot.com). Whoever created this website is genius! Who needs a wedding planner if you are signed up with The Knot? It’s quite simple. You enter your wedding date and it literally develops a month-by-month to do list for you to stay organized and on top of everything that needs to get done. With the assistance I received from the website and attending more weddings than I could possibly count in the last two years, I was now prepared to plan my own, right? All the glitz and glam will perfectly come together while both families join in a harmonious way. This is going to be the best 11 months of my life!

Unfortunately, that fantasy bubble was popped almost immediately. Within weeks of any bride planning a wedding, the flood gates open and you become a first-hand witness to the disagreements that turn into arguments, the back and forth between families (feeling that one side is giving more than the other), the battle of the guest list, bridesmaids not loving every idea you have (especially when it comes to their dress for the day), bachelor and bachelorette parties going array, saying yes to the dress when your girls say NO, and the list goes on.

Why is it that nobody warns us about all of this? The question should actually be why do any of these things even happen? Whose wedding is it anyway? The focus shifts and turns down a winding road of frustrations and nervous breakdowns once the planning process is underway. It all begins with the budget. Who is paying for what and the sense of entitlement that goes hand in hand with the funding of the big day. Creating a budget is by far the hardest thing about this whole process. David and I were fortunate enough to have a great deal of financial help from my parents, however, once we began to call venues and (their) preferred vendors, we realized the funds we had were for sure not going to be enough and wouldn’t even come close to creating the ideas that were already painted in our my head.

Okay, no problem, it’s not a big deal. So we cut back a bit. By eliminating that 3 tier cake, hanging crystals from trees, reducing the budget of the dress, and cutting the hours of open bar service, that should give us more than enough. Wrong. Ok so now what? Oh yes, the guest list. This is where it gets messy, in every sense of the word.

Once I expressed my frustrations regarding the guest list drama to friends that had already thrown their own wedding, I discovered this is a messy situation that every bride and groom go through. The majority of the budget actually goes towards the headcount. Family and close friends assume that certain people will be invited, based on what, I will never know. Some guests will think that it is appropriate to request certain people be invited. Such as, this guy I just met a few weeks ago and is now my boyfriend, MY KIDS, distant relatives (meaning you see them once a year if that), co-workers who have never hung out with both the bride and groom as a couple (but they should be there), I mean really! How about the plus one? When creating the guest list, that is something I never considered. Many people assume they are getting a plus one. I was so confused by this. If you have thrown a wedding yourself, you understand that offering every guest the chance to bring a guest will instantly double your headcount and you can kiss that budget good-bye. The worst part is deciding who is going to be the lucky candidate to explain to your friends and family that they cannot bring that guest? This is by far the worst part because most people don’t see it coming. It is inevitable that you will hurt feelings and upset them. The unfortunate piece to all of this is that most of those people will never quite understand where you’re coming from UNTIL the day they plan a wedding of their own AND have to pay for it.

I can’t stress how important it is to remain grounded and focused on what a wedding is all about. It’s about the bride and the groom committing their lives together. This can all be done for little to no money at a courthouse. However, throwing a wedding means one wants something a little more intimate. Our guest count was small, capped at 120 and we still had to save quite a bit of money (in addition to the help we received from my parents) just to pull it off. We got through it. Phew!

Once the budget and guest list are finalized, the bridal party becomes the next topic for discussion. My advice to any bride would be, choose these people wisely. Less is more since everyone usually has an opinion. My girls were actually wonderful and always took my feelings into account; luckily I did not personally experience any drama with my bridal party. However, I have been in many wedding parties in the past and know a smooth sailing experience with your best girls is not reality. Keep it simple 2-3 girls and guys tops! By having a smaller bridal party will also save you a great deal of money considering each person needs a bouquet or boutonniere, thank you gift, and dinner after the rehearsal. All this adds up let me tell ya.

David and I are exactly 78 days away from making that promise to join together forever. I am waiting for the bliss. I know it’s coming, I can feel it. I have dreams and visions of how that day is going to be. Here is my vision…after months of torture, the day finally arrives. Upon waking up the morning of, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with excitement. All the preparations are behind me and all there is to focus on is getting dolled up with my best girls by my side. Popping bottles in the bridal suite (perhaps with a little Michael Buble in the background). Sipping on mimosas and cherishing each moment of that morning. When it comes time to slip on my dress, I can’t even imagine how amazing that is going to feel. I seriously have been eating like a rabbit and working out 5 days a week to look my absolute best in my wedding gown. It will be the dress I will wear to wed my best friend, my husband. The dress I have been envisioning walking down the aisle in since the day I bought it. As I walk arm and arm with my Dad and see David standing at the end, I believe that will be the defining moment when I forget all of the headaches, tears, arguments, and debates. The moment when I realize the day is perfect no matter what because we get to see our wedding unfold and witness all the smiles from our loved ones. This is when you kiss each other and think, “We did it!” (And say I do of course). I seriously can’t wait to take in all the bliss. 78 more days and counting!

Don’t forget what the big day is all about.