I thought it would be a sweet idea to write you a letter each year for your birthday. With each letter I’ll summarize how that year of your life, and ours as a family went (through my eyes). Excited to write my very first letter to you. On your 21st birthday, I plan to gift you a locked box with all the letters and you will be the only one who has the key. You can unlock the box at any time and read each letter at your leisure. Hopefully, you’ll treasure this gift for the rest of your life. Here it goes, letter #1.

Dear Giuliana,

Daddy and I planned our pregnancy with you. From day one, you were loved and wanted. When we discovered we were pregnant, we were elated! I thought of you and who you might be, every single day during my pregnancy. Towards the end, you moved around quite a bit in my belly. I often thought you would come out being smart, alert, and energetic–I was right. The second you were born, you came out screaming with your eyes wide open. I cried out tears of pure joy and have the best pictures to prove it–Grammy and Auntie Nicole caught it ALL on camera. Then you were placed on my chest and our eyes locked. Once I began talking to you, your cries stopped and you gazed up at me. I held you for a few minutes before the nurses took you to do all the things they do with newborn babies. Once finished, Daddy and I played soft music in the room as we held you. I could not sleep that first night in the hospital. I just stared at you in amazement that I now had a baby. Before you came into our life, Daddy and I traveled and had our share of fun (just the two of us). Now, we were a family of 3. It was exciting. We were so ready to turn the page in our book and start the next chapter of our lives with you, and as a family.

Upon taking you home, our lives changed for the better. Daddy and I spent the first few weeks at home together, trying to figure out the whole parenting thing. We caught on pretty quickly and we found out almost immediately, it wasn’t easy. So as you grow and I tell you how much we love you–believe it! There is no love greater than the love a parent has for their child. It is almost difficult to explain, and just know, if you decide to have children, you’ll feel the exact same way as we did on June 11, 2016 at 6:40am when we got to meet you, sweetheart.

As the weeks flew by, your spunky and spicy personality came out. I called you “sassy girl” a lot because you would scream (and I mean scream) when you wanted something. There was no waiting around for anything. Daddy or myself could be feeding you, stop half way through your feeding to burp you, and you would instantly belt out the loudest cry. You continued crying until we continued feeding you. I also called you my “squirmy wormy” because you would kick your little legs and throw out your little arms with such force. On the flip side, I called you my “sweet smiley girl” because you smiled since you were just days old. I would post tons of pictures on social media for all to see. Your smile was contagious. That smile had the ability to melt my heart instantaneously. I laughed and smiled back at you, usually with happy tears in my eyes. I would find myself just gazing at you in awe that such a perfect and beautiful little girl came from within me. You were my “rainbow baby” and for that reason, I also called you my “angel baby.” So there you have it. All your nicknames mommy gave you within your first few days and weeks of life. But so many more nicknames were developed after that. 3 of which still stick to this day and probably will for a lifetime, (Juju Bee, Jules, and Munchie).

When you were just weeks old, I spent lots of time reading up on how to be the best mommy. I Googled almost anything that came to mind (which was sometimes a bad thing). I was the paranoid parent I said I would never be. But the paranoia was all worth it for you–even though I am sure at times I drove Daddy nuts! I just couldn’t help but be so very thankful that God chose me to be your mommy. I wanted to be everything you wanted and needed in a mommy. For that reason, I wanted to learn as much as I could about your development and milestones at each month. I relayed everything I learned to Daddy and Grammy since they were so much a part of your life early on. (You didn’t meat Abuelita Ligia until September 2, 2016 when you were almost 3 months old because she lived in another country–Medellin, Colombia).

As I sit here and think of the things I want to tell you, I think of so much more. I hope and more importantly, I pray that you and I develop a close bond. When I found out I was pregnant with a daughter, I prayed to Jesus that he would guide me in the right way to parent well and also be someone you could count on and lean on in good or bad times. I never felt the desire to be a “cool mom” but I knew I wanted to be a warm place for you to run to. Someone that you knew without doubt or hesitation, would be your biggest fan and stand in your corner. When it’s my time to leave this earth, that is really all I want to know–was I that person for you? I hope the answer is, yes.

With that said, I want to apologize in advance for being the “strict mom.” One day I’ll share stories about my childhood and then you will know why it was necessary for me to be that way with you. Not that I think you’ll walk the same path as I did, but I want to make sure that certain things don’t happen to you or occur in your life, and for that reason I need to be one step ahead of you. I’m no fool though, I know you’ll outsmart me from time to time, but I am going to try my hardest to be even just a half step ahead of you my sweet pea. One day you’ll realize it was all out of pure love for you and nothing else.

I am beside myself with the fact you are one year old. I have enjoyed this year so much. It was exciting, challenging, exhausting, and most of all, filled with such joy. Each milestone you reached made me so proud. You are so very smart, brave, and loving. I was blessed to be able to work in a position that allowed me to spend so much time with you during your first year. I was able to witness you roll over, and crawl for the first time. I stayed home and cuddled you when you were sick, and put your needs first at all times. I too hit a major milestone. I pride myself in being able to have provided breast milk to you for one entire year. Many people (including myself) didn’t think I would stick with it, but for the first time in my life, someone other than myself was my #1 priority. It was you Jujubee. So after you stopped nursing, I pumped exclusively to provide you with that nourishment. Every 3 hours–around the clock, I was stuck to a machine.

I’m in the middle of planning your 1st birthday party. It’s going to actually have a theme! Some Bunny is One. Cute, right? You won’t remember the day whatsoever but we plan on taking lots of pictures to show you someday in the future. I know we will never get the sweet time back we had this first year, but I will carry with me the memories. I am so thankful God chose me to be your mommy. I’ll never be able to stress that enough.

Today, tomorrow, and always–you will be my greatest joy. I can hardly wait for the years ahead, memories we’ll make, and priceless moments we’ll share. I love you my sweet, sassy baby girl. Happy first birthday–and many, many, many more.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy