May 15, 2015 will always be the hardest day I have experienced in life. After the loss of a child (at any stage in pregnancy) one may feel guilty feeling happy again but I didn’t. I have cried and mourned the loss of our first child for days on end but to be honest I knew that the tough cookie in me would show her face sooner rather than later. It’s been 3 weeks and I would like to note what helped me wipe my tears, smile, and turn the page.

1. I stayed off social media until I knew I was ready. I have a large group of girlfriends all of which have been blessed with beyond beautiful and healthy babies and I never (not even for a second) wanted to feel any jealousy towards their happiness (which I think might be natural for someone to feel pity for themselves and their situation) so I refrained from looking at my newsfeed flooded with the gorgeous smiles of little ones. Happy to report I am much better now and actually smile at every precious smile I see on FB and IG.
2. I found myself listening to music from the 50’s & 60’s. Not sure why but this kind of music made me picture my mom in my head and I could literally see her dancing all around belting out the lyrics to songs like “It’s In His Kiss” by Betty Everett, “You Can’t Hurry Love” by the Supremes, “I Get Around” by the Beach Boys, “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison, “Rock Around The Clock” by Bill Haley, “Cry To Me” by Solomon Burke, “Runaround Sue” or “The Wanderer” by Dion & The Belmonts, “Rockin’ Robin” by Sha Na Na, “Sherry” by John Lloyed Young, “He’s So Fine” by the Chiffons, “Earth Angel” by The Penguins, and “My Boyfriend’s Back” by the Jersey Boys, all while shaking her shoulders and hips. This made me so happy and I did the same in the mirror while getting ready for the day. This music placed me in the best of moods. I shook my shoulders and hips to David when he was getting ready and he probably thought I was CRAZY because he never grew up with this music and it was more than likely the first time he had ever heard these songs.
3. After a week and a half or so I got out of my funk and stopped pushing people away. I allowed my friend to set up a group dinner with the girls. I did not think I would have the courage to talk about all this in public but I allowed myself to be vulnerable and told them as much of the story as I could without breaking down at Roman Cucina, an Italian restaurant close by home. I found myself tearing up in the middle of everything but was welcomed with tears from my friends who were experiencing the same pain through my words. I stared at them as they used their napkins to wipe their tears and felt like they knew (they just knew) the pain I had in my heart. It was everything I needed from them. A simple dinner, laughs, all while sharing a few tears for the serious stuff. Thank you Jessica Medina, Reina Olmeda, Nichol Cabrera, Jessica DeLaO, Krystal Ramos, Rosa Ramos, and Miah Gianna.
4. I checked myself back into the GYM. Oh gosh I need to drop some lbs but aside from that I missed the group of people I worked out with everyday at 4:45pm. I needed a routine again, my old routine. My first week back felt so wonderful. I was welcomed with hugs and all the motivation I missed.
5. I scheduled appointments to enjoy the sweet gifts my cousins and mom bought for me. Much needed spa treatments.
6. Had discussions with my husband about picking up and moving forward. I just know that God has SO MUCH in store for us. I truly believe that. So I choose to smile and move forward with him. We are also discussing a trip within the next few months. We are quite the traveling pair and it feels good to talk about something so familiar. A trip out of the country. A new experience with each other. Looking forward to the future with him.
7. I couldn’t sign off without saying that some of the BEST therapy was coming home to my dogs and their wagging tails. Our home just would not be the same without you Buddy & Oliver.

One last thing, thank you so much to my Earth Angels. Everyone who sent me a text showing your love support, to those who mailed me cards, dropped off gifts, mailed gifts, and hand delivered one…thank you!!!!